


Of Dice and Men

by Snowsheba



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dungeons and Dragons, Friendship, Gen, Memories, humanstuck AU, pesterlogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-26
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2018-01-05 04:48:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowsheba/pseuds/Snowsheba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John joins the Dungeon and Dragons club and, finding the amount of members rather lacking, gets a bunch of other people to join as well.</p><p>Shenanigans ensue, many a die are rolled, and five kids take a rocky trip down the memory lane.</p><p>[Written for the Homestuck Gift Exchange!]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Dice and Men

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tumblr user haveanicedayplushomestuck](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=tumblr+user+haveanicedayplushomestuck).



> As a general disclaimer, I have never played Dungeons and Dragons, nor have I ever seen a game in action. I researched how dungeon masters do their thing and have only an amateurish grasp on game mechanics and calculations. Please understand that is the reason why there are no game mechanics or calculations.
> 
> But to business, yes? This is for [Ben](http://www.haveanicedayplushomestuck.tumblr.com/). I checked out your blog and you said your name was 'Tyler', but the HSGE2013 mod said otherwise. Apologies if I am getting it wrong.
> 
> I hope this is at least somewhat up to your standards, because it took me five different tries (and three different takes) before I figured to write this out the way it is now. Oof. I'm still not entirely pleased with how it came out but it's the best one out of the five.

You’d heard about the D&D club, but you hadn’t known it wasn’t exactly functional until you’d gotten there.

“Oh my god, someone else actually came,” you hear as you cautiously go through the door to the classroom. Inside sit exactly two guys around a flimsy paper grid stretched out on two desks, with one of them using another entire desk to do his dungeon mastering stuff. “Did our advertisement on the intercom actually get _read_?”

You open your mouth to say something, but they both ignore and talk right over you.

“Jesus, you don’t need to be so dramatic, KK.” Well, at least you know this kid; as far as you know, he’s Sollux Captor, also known as The Nerd with the Slight Lisp. He’s infamous in the school for hacking into the website one day and changing every single option to ‘dick’ and variations – not that he’d ever been caught, because the student body thought it was funny enough to merit secrecy.

“Hi!” you say after neither of them add anything else. You even stick your hand up and wave a bit to them. “I’m John Egbert, new student, just moved in, yadda yadda yadda – ”

“We know, moron,” the first one says. His voice is raspy and dark, tinted with just the slightest Spanish accent. At least, you think it’s Spanish, but you honestly aren’t sure. “Karkat Vantas, resident asshole number one..”

“Sollux Captor, resident asshole number two.” You get the feeling they introduce themselves this way pretty much every single time they meet someone new. “Welcome to the D&D club, I guess."

“Nice to meet you!” You smile at them and they both shift uncomfortably. Seeing this you go on, “How did you know me, by the way?”

“You managed to make friends with Dave Strider on your very first day,” Karkat answers promptly, as if that is all the explanation that’s needed. You don’t see how this is a big deal – for some reason, as soon as you saw Dave sitting at his desk, you’d gone over and somehow made instant friends with him. Actually, that is kind of weird, especially when you think back on it now. “Everything that happens to that insufferable shit is on social sites in five seconds flat.”

“He can’t be that bad if you’re friends with him too, KK.”

“We are not friends, Tholluckth.” Wow, make fun of the guy with a lisp, way to go, Karkat. Sollux seems okay with it, though. “We just happen to occasionally have bouts of conversation when we aren’t yelling at each other.”

“More often than not,” Sollux amends, and he cackles with Karkat admonishes him by throwing what looks to be a twenty-sided die at his head.

“You guys sure don’t know how to welcome a new person,” you say after watching them screw around for a few moments. They both go still at your words and turn to look at you, and you shrug and say, “Look, I’ve done this before, I even brought my character list and all that. So can I play, or are you going to sit there and argue? I’ve got to be at swim practice in an hour.”

“Slight problem with that,” Karkat says, straightening up. “You ever tried playing D&D with just two players?”

“I was wondering why you were playing with just one,” you admit as you pull a chair over for yourself, sitting a respective distance away from them but close enough to the table to comfortably view the map.

“Yeah. So I hate to ask you when you just got here, but do you think you could… You know. Get some people? And maybe grab our other member who’s never here.”

“Are you asking me to recruit?” You place a hand over your heart and give them both a stupid grin. “Your newest member, even? Are you admitting that your social skills suck?”

“You’d probably be better at it than we would,” Sollux says evasively, and yeah, considering what they’d called themselves, that sounds about right.

“Hehe.” Both roll their eyes as you say brightly, “Leave it to me, then.”

“Good. For now, let’s just go over your sheet and explain a few things about how we play,” Karkat says, and you obligingly fish out the paper from your backpack and proceed to argue with him the merits of being a paladin.

* * *

“Dave, I know this goes against your coolkid code, but don’t freak out on me.”

“Ahaha, oh, John. If you preface whatever you’re gonna say with that, there is a high probability of me freakin’ out.”

“True. Anyway, I signed you up for D&D club!”

“You did what.”

“Hehe. The meeting’s today after school. I’ll meet you at your locker.”

“Egbert, you do not get to drop a bomb on me like that and expect – hey, get back here, asshole!”

* * *

“Rose Lalonde, right?’

“Yes, that is me. Do you need something?"

“Hi, Rose! I’m John. I’m the messenger who is telling you that the D&D club wants you to go back today.”

“Mm, really? I am looking forward to it, then; it has been a while since the last session.”

“Isn’t that because you never went to the meetings?”

“It was largely due to the fact that it is not incredibly amusing to play with only two characters. Of this, I can assure you.”

“I can understand that. See you later?”

“Undoubtedly. Good afternoon, John.”

* * *

“I do not want to be here,” Dave says matter-of-factly, even though he was totally excited once you’d told him what the game was about on the way to the classroom. Whatever, you’re not going to try and break his façade.

“Hush,” Rose says even though she hardly knows him, and then she turns to Karkat and Sollux and nods. “Gentlemen.”

Karkat doesn’t even respond, instead looking at you and saying bluntly, “Looks like you’re not entirely useless.”

 “I can be charismatic sometimes,” you tell Karkat, beaming, and he shields his eyes with his hands.

“Do not smile that radiantly, Egbert, or I might go blind.”

“It’s illogical to assume you could lose your sight without a proper light source,” Rose says with an arched eyebrow, and Karkat flips her the bird before scooting to the side, allowing more chairs to be drawn up in a circle around the grid-map.

“Okay, let’s see your character sheets,” Sollux says, and everyone hands them in except Dave. He does not fail to notice this. “Strider, I have extras you can fill out. You know how to do it?”

“Not a clue.”

“Get someone to help you, then. In the meantime, let me get the story figured out.”

“Ooh, do we get an original story? Sweet,” you say when Karkat nods, a small smile quirking his lips, and then you and Rose scoot over and explain the meanings of words on the sheet Dave is pouting at.

* * *

“Since Karkat used Detect Enemies you all know there’s a party of trolls up ahead. How will you approach?”

“He and John should go first, while Dave and I take up the rear,” Rose says, and when both you and Karkat makes noises of assent, Sollux nods, rolls some dice, writes some things down, and moves the pieces representing everyone to their respective figures.

“Why do that?” Dave asks, and you have to laugh at his lack of knowledge. He punches you in the shoulder, but it’s a light one so you know you’re still in the clear. “Karkat’s guy a rogue, so shouldn’t I be in front?”

“Considering your character is a fighter, that seemingly makes sense. However,” and here Rose does that admonishing thing with her index finger in Dave’s face, “Karkat is quieter and John’s character has more experience than yours.”

You can see the realization dawn on Dave’s face, and after a few moments he nods in agreement. “Huh. This game is more complicated than I expected.”

“Told you so,” you say triumphantly, and his frown dips just a fraction deeper – but you can tell he would be smiling if Dave ever did expressions.

“How close are we?” Karkat asks Sollux, and Rose leans forward to rest her elbows on the desk.

“Within twenty feet,” his friend replies, scanning his notes.

“I would like to cast some sort of protective spell, as we have Dave’s character with us,” Rose says.

Sollux nods, writes more things down, checks some papers, rolls a die. He doesn’t say anything, but you all get the sense that the spell was successful.

“Are we good?” you ask the table at large. When they all nod, you cry gleefully, “Charge!”

And so, with Sollux practically slamming his pencil into the paper to start scribbling down notes furiously, the battle begins.

* * *

“Find an inn,” Dave says immediately after Sollux declares the party has arrived in town.

“Also huddle in around John,” Karkat clarifies.

Rose rolls her eyes. “My character does not need to be _coddled_.”

“Considering mine is carrying yours right now, I don’t think you have any right to argue,” you tell her, and at her disdainful sniff, you laugh. “Just appreciate what we do for you.”

“Can’t ignore the damsel in distress,” Dave pipes up, and you both snicker while bumping his fist with yours over the table.

Somehow, it feels oddly familiar when Rose snips back at him and they start to bicker, words and vocabulary being violently tossed back and forth like a snowball fight. You don’t know why because you’ve never actually see them argue like this before, but at the same time, you feel like you’ve known them forever.

But haven’t they only just met? You’re positive Dave only knew Rose as ‘Flighty Broad’ this morning, but now he’s having a rapid-fire discussion with her that seems sort of... familial. Yeah.

 _Eh, whatever_. You must be having a major sense of déjà-vu or something.

“You arrive at the inn after splashing through the cold, wet streets,” Sollux says suddenly, smoothly cutting into the argument like a hot knife through butter. “The sign reads ‘The Sleeping Giant’ and shows a grotesque figure of a misshapen lump that could vaguely be humanoid. Do you enter?”

“Yep,” Karkat says without conferring with the rest of you – Rose’s health is steadily dropping, and will continue to do so the longer you stay outside. “Don’t suppose we have enough money?”

“We can stay in the stables. Be like Jesus and shit,” Dave says, earning himself a smack from Rose. He ducks his head and you would almost say he has a grin on his face, but his expression is blank by the time he looks up again.

“Strider, you’re a moron,” Karkat says, and while aforementioned moron proceeds to snicker, he continues tiredly, “I am so tired of your horseshit, just stop talking.”

You remember something, a flash of colored text in your mind.

( ?CG: JEGUS I AM SO TIRED.  
CTG: you should go back to sleep  
CTG: it was so much cooler when you were asleep and i basically never had to listen to you ever  
?CG: I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP  
CEB: why not?  
?CG: BECAUSE I'M TOO TIRED TO EXPLAIN WHY IS WHY.  
?CG: YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT LATER. ) 

You ignore it because you don’t know what to make of it, but from the way both Dave and Karkat similarly paused, you get the sense you weren’t the only one who recalled something.

“Each room rents for one silver,” Sollux says, either ignorant of the sudden change in atmosphere or choosing to not notice it, and Rose takes over and begins to barter with the innkeeper (no one brings up that she is a sick invalid while doing this) as you, Dave and Karkat remain strangely silent.

* * *

“Start a bar fight!”

“John, that is the worst idea in the history of ideas.”

“Oh come on, Karkat, it’s not that bad of an idea. It’s funny! You can pickpocket people.”

“… On second thought, Dave. Start a bar fight.”

“You asked for it, bro.” Dave’s use of the word causes some eyebrow-raising with Sollux and Rose, but neither of them comments outright. “I stand up and throw a chair at the drunkard at the counter.”

Sollux snickers, not even bothering to roll anything as he instead takes notes, and says, “That definitely starts a fight.”

“I retreat to a corner,” Rose says. “Best to have two walls at my back.”

“Should I ask how you know that?” you ask, and she merely gives you an enigmatic smile.

“I follow her and bring John along with me,” Dave says. “You’re on your own, Karkles.”

“Don’t call me that, Stridick,” Karkat says without missing a beat. You snicker, and his eyes flicker briefly in your direction, a ghost of a smile on his face.

“Rude, Vantass,” Dave says blandly, and as always there’s no real venom.

Karkat rolls his eyes and returns to the task at hand. “How many people can I pickpocket?”

“Depends on the rolls,” Sollux says with a tone of ‘no _duh_ ’, which earns him little more than a glare. “Who do you go for first?”

“The richest guy in the joint.”

“Ooh, risky,” you say. “Next thing you know we’re going to end up in jail.”

Rose leans over and knocks on the nearest wood available – the next desk over, given the one you are playing on is completely covered in paper. You send her an apologetic glance, to which she merely shrugs.

* * *

“Aaaand we ended up in jail,” Dave says, then nods approvingly, shades glinting in the sunlight. “Nice.”

“I blame you entirely, John. It’s your fault for planting the fucking seed of the idea in my head.”

“Hehe, sure, Karkat. If I didn’t say it Dave probably would’ve.”

“Hate to admit it, but he’s right, dude. ‘Sides, you did get a shit ton of loot.”

“And fortunately, your mage was able to conceal some of it,” Rose interrupts, a twinkle in her lavender eyes. “Of course, I can’t break us out of prison.”

“Of course,” Karkat deadpans, and you all chuckle a bit at that.

“We’ll have to finish up for now,” Sollux says afterwards, glancing at the clock. “John’s got about – ”

“ – eight minutes to get to practice,” Dave finishes, and you’re absolutely certain he did not look at any timepiece of any kind. He gives you a lazy wave as you stand up in a rush and hurry to stuff all of your shit into your backpack. “See you later, Egbert.”

“You better bring your homework to school _done_ tomorrow, Dave,” you say in a scolding tone. “I am not letting you copy my chem again.”

“Yeah, shit’s getting ridiculous.” By that, you all know that means he isn’t going to do it. “Run along and be a good citizen, now.”

“Ha ha, fuck you.” But you leave the classroom at a brisk trot nonetheless.

* * *

You sleep and you dream of oil smears, shining oceans, red-hot lava, and brilliant frost.

You wake up in the middle of the night and log into Pesterchum to talk to Dave. His handle is lit up on the chumroll for whatever reason, and as you watch, another gray one appears on the side. Karkat, your mind provides, even though you don’t know how you know that for certain.

EB: i had a dream.  
TG: yeah  
CG: EVERYONE WAS DEAD IN MINE BUT THEY LIVED ON SOMEWHERE  
CG: WHICH IS ILLOGICAL AS HELL BUT I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING IS OFF BECAUSE OF JOHN..  
CG: I CAN’T EXPLAIN TO SAVE MY LIFE WHY YOU’RE SPECIAL EGBERT, BUT THE ONLY REASON THIS IS HAPPENING IS BECAUSE I MET YOU.  
TG: john where did you come from  
EB: i used to live in washington... but i think there’s more to it than that.  
TG: why is it that i feel like were missing something  
EB: why can’t i remember anything before washington?

The discussion continues on to the dawn of the morning, and when you arrive at school with bags under your eyes and your homework only half-complete, you aren’t surprised to find Dave and Karkat in a similar state.

* * *

Everything that happens to you now, no matter how innocent, seems almost surreal.

“Stab him in the back” brings a sharp pain to your lower torso, and that day, you can’t seem to bring yourself to play. You have a moment of panic where you think you died.

“Chop off the goblin’s head” makes you remember a teenager with an orange cap on his shirt. He died, you know for certain, and as you mention this Dave visibly blanches and whispers 'Dirk'.

“Slice the undine in half” reminds you of purple blood and the whirr of a chainsaw. Whoever bled out in purple must’ve died, and Karkat names one of your fellow swimmers, Eridan.

Exclamations of “Why hasn’t he died yet?” makes you think of Dave, inexplicably so. He died, more than once, and from the way his expression changes from scowl to grimace to blank slate to scowl again, he is thinking the same.

For whatever reason you start saying nonsensical swears like ‘bulgelicker’, and everyone seems to get what you mean. Karkat is the most artistic with them and soon he is throwing ‘grubfucker’ around like it is an actual thing. (You think it is, or at least, your mind accepts it as a legitimate swear.)

You have a headache from trying to remember what you forgot, and in the end you feel like Rose and Sollux are involved as well, and somewhere along the line you’re all in a memo trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

TG: no but for reals ive been really weirded out lately  
TG: i dont even have to look at a clock to know what time it is  
EB: sometimes when i get worked up over something, a breeze stirs up in my room.  
CG: WHENEVER I START TO BLEED IT’S LIKE THE BLOOD DOESN’T COME OUT OF MY BODY. IT MIGHT SORT OF DRIP OUT FOR A FEW SECONDS BUT THEN IT JUST KIND OF STOPS? IT’S FUCKING STRANGE.  
TT: Sometimes I know something is going to happen before it does.  
TA: when ii 2leep ii can 2ometiime2 hear the voiice2 of people who turn up on the obiituariie2 the next day.

It gets harder and harder to play the Dungeons and Dragons game as the violence escalates and the mission nears a close. The worst is when it’s mentioned your sword stabs someone square through the stomach; as soon as the words leave Sollux’s lips, Dave lets out a keening cry and falls to the floor, hands pressed flat against his stomach as if he is remembering an old wound.

Scars appear along your bodies the next day.

* * *

“The final boss looms ahead of you.”

“Fucking finally,” Dave says, and everybody pointedly ignores the way his voice cracks.

(You’d all gone over the scars now pockmarking your bodies, and right where Dave had been rolling over and protecting with his hands the other day was a white patch of skin that resembled a stab wound. It was as if he’d actually been hurt, though you don’t know how that  could be.)

“It’s almost like a giant skeleton, with a thin layer of green skin over its gaunt frame.”

“Interesting choice,” Rose says, and her voice is shaking.

(Rose talked of darkness and shadows erupting from her skin, of gray color swirls and a language long forgotten. Eldritch horrors, she said, and when you said the Grimoire, no one seemed surprised.)

“It stands on one golden peg and one leg, wearing a bright green coat that is embroidered with ever-changing colors.”

“The cloth changes colors?” you say incredulously, but at the same time you can picture clearly what he is describing.

(You saw your father dead in front of you, his hand inches away from a lady with a pink scarf. Rose didn’t respond to the memo for over fifteen minutes, and you had to stuff your fist in your mouth to keep your weeping unheard.)

“Its cheeks are marked by red swirls, and its eyes are sparkling with manic fervor and anticipation.”

Sollux’s eyebrows furrow, and he almost looks like he is in pain.

(Sollux had only typed p2iioniic2 one day, and Karkat’s gray text spilled across the screen as he spoke of explosions and death. Only when ARADIA came onto the screen did Sollux log off the memo, and he wouldn’t speak of it the next day.)

“His weapon is not something physical. It comes from inside him.”

“It’s a he now?” Karkat asks, and his eyes are lowered to the grid.

(When the name ‘Gamzee’ is mentioned, Karkat’s capital letter screaming on the memo stopped and did not return for a good while. When he did return, all that came from him was message after message about fear, the friends who died, and running away.)

“He calls himself – ” Pause. A long silence, and the air is tense, everyone taut as a bowstring because – you don’t know why, why do you feel like you know the answer? Sollux swallows, runs his tongue over his lips, and whispers, “Lord English.”

And then

_you remember everything._

**Author's Note:**

> For those who are curious, the prompt was as follows: “A group of the kids and trolls playing DnD. It’s a very dorky game, so it obviously must have at least Sollux and John in there (i ship nothing! if you want to add in your own personal ships to it, have fun! i just wanted my multiple precious babies to have a game of D&D before Hussie kills them).”
> 
> For the first pesterlog in this work, the direct quote comes from [this memo](http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004690).


End file.
